You all know me as that “crazy not okay, doesn’t give zero fucks, just become a hijabi” woman.
And for the two years since, I’ve been growing my dreadlocks.
And a question that irritates the shit out of me is “why grow them if no one is going to see them? ”
I get the question. I get it.
It’s the undeniably patriarchal undertone that irritates the shit out of me.
As little girls we are dressed up to look pretty.
Pretty being the end goal.
Oh look how beautiful she is.
Then we graduate into teenhood.
A turbulent time as our hormones are doing the dance of whatever you want to call that time.
That’s when the warnings start.
Don’t show to much skin or…….
It becomes a girls problem that men cannot control themselves.
It becomes a girls problem that men don’t know how to switch off their predatory senses.
It becomes a girls problem that men just don’t know how to be ‘gentle’men.
Then there’s an age where the more you show the better for you, because the attention you get is what you want.
You’ve entered the dating scene. And like a male peacock, this time around the females do the dance of whatever you want to call it and show off them assets to grab the attention and win the competition.
Depending on your body, you get to show off the best assets. Boob’s, ass, thighs, hips. Mine was my gorgeous long shapely legs. ☺
However I grew up in a town that danced the dance of “The Flow of Fabric”
It was an intricate dance. One that you had to be initiated as early as possible.
You could choose from a variety of colours and fabrics. Drape them over your body in different ways and styles.
The flow of fabric was a dance that commanded everyone’s attention.
You started off as a princess and graduated to a queen.
All would stop and stare, the colours captivating and the flow of the fabric only giving a hint of what was underneath.
I’d dance the dance of The Flow of Fabric now and then.
Now. It’s the only dance I know.
You see, The Flow of Fabric gives a girl the protection she needs. She can look fantastic covered head to toe. She doesn’t need to feed into the patriarchal garbage that women need to show off to get a man’s attention.
She can comfortably dress up for herself. In all sorts of colours and fabrics. And whatever is underneath is hers ALONE to celebrate.
I don’t have any problem with women who dress to show off. My problem comes with the intent.
Are you showing off for yourself. Because you are confident in yourself?
Or are you showing off so that a man can tell you how beautiful you are? So that a man gives you the attention you want because you feel that you NEED his attention?
Let me take you back to a harrowing scene in this patriarchal culture that is Nairobi.
Men decided that they could strip women who were wearing tights.
Many women got stripped.
The one that still boils my blood and wants to give all women a beating your mother would be proud of is the one where she got sexually assaulted and it was filmed.
NO WOMAN HELPED HER!!
NONE OF THE WOMEN IN THIS FUCKING TOWN HELPED HER.
But yes. You all had a march afterwards dubbed “My dress, My choice.”
If you were in town that day. Why didn’t you help her?
You see in this patriarchal culture of ‘show off what you got to get a man’ – women see women as competition.
Which is WRONG.
A woman is not my competition. She’s my mother or sister or grandmother.
And that’s another thing that the Flow of Fabric teaches girls. That another woman is your sister. Your mother. Your grandmother.
Not. Your. Competition.
Fuck this patriachal culture.
Dress however you want to dress.
Whether you’re dancing with the Flow of Fabric
Or doing the tango with I Flaunt what I’ve Got.
At the end of the day understand that as a woman the choices you make will either protect you or leave you wide open.
I dance with the Flow of Fabric.
It protects me.
Reminds me that my body is not for men.
Reminds me that despite what I wear I am gorgeous.
And that whatever is going on underneath is not for everyone.
💞 & ✌