To Live with Pain. 

It hasn’t been so long that I can’t remember.  

Then again, us Moon children have an affinity of never forgetting. 

We are blessed to be able to feel a wide range of emotions in a minute. And sometimes it feels like a curse. 

We get angry quickly. But learn to simmer it. We can stay up all night fretting about something we did wrong or someone we think we hurt. 

Sometimes we don’t filter our words. Other times, we just stay silent.. 

Yeah.. That’s us Moon children. Cancer ♋ to be exact.. Also if anyone has their moon in Cancer or their rising sign is Cancer join the club of the emotional rollercoaster 🙋
I digress… 

I’m not writing this just for cancers. 

I’m writing this especially for those that are in the inbetween phase of “I was an addict now I’m practising sobriety”

I’m writing for those in that phase where people just can’t seem to understand that we don’t need lectures on the dangers of addiction.. Or why people get addicted to such dangerous levels.. 

We don’t need the constant “do you need help” or the harping on programs that can help.. Or the “can I pray for you?”

Yeah.. You know that phase. 

It’s an annoying can I shut you up now phase. 

It’s a I will roll my eyes and say Fuck you normal people phase. 

We are in a turbulent time

We are in a phase where quite frankly our emotions are a rollercoaster.. 

Let me explain.. Maybe just maybe you might understand that we need love and acceptance and understanding not condemnation and endless lectures on the evils of addiction. 

………………….

At the root of all addiction is PAIN!  

PAIN! 

I repeat again

PAIN! 

so we are addicted to getting rid of that pain, of finding a solution to numbing that pain. Be it alcohol, weed, heroin, coke, shopping, sex, cigarettes, whatever you get addicted to just so that the pain goes away now. Not tomorrow. Now. 

So when we do a 180 and start living without our said PAIN remedy, we literally feel the PAIN that we’ve been running away from. 

We are in turmoil. We are trying to live our lives, sober because we haven’t been sober for a while. But we are aso trying to live our lives with the PAIN. 

We all know what pain is. We feel it. 

Pain let’s us know something is wrong with our bodies. 

Emotional PAIN let’s us know we are hurt. That whatever caused that pain really really affected us. 

Emotional pain is – in my humble opinion -only caused by those that we love. And coming to terms with it is a painful experience. 

Accepting that the person you love (and loves you) caused the pain is one of the HARDEST experiences I have ever dealt with. 

Mucus, tear, gut wrenching wailing like a child, clutching at your heart, screaming into a pillow process. 😭

No one wants to go through that process.. It’s painful.. So you look for a way to escape the pain.. Keep it at bay until later, or deny that you are in pain all together.

……………………..

So an addict goes from 

Drowning their EMOTIONAL  PAIN 

To 

Living with EMOTIONAL PAIN.

and when we get these endless lectures on addiction and it’s evils, when we get endless phone calls asking if we are okay, when we are trying to start this new phase of our lives and everybody keeps bringing up our addiction 

We experience more PAIN. 

…………………..

Living with pain is not easy, finding non dangerous ways of living with it isn’t easy either. 

Finding ways to be comfortable with the pain and letting go is a very emotional process that needs lots of love and hugs. 

We need to talk about our pain. 

That’s why we have AA and NA meetings.. Where you can vent out your pain.. 

Or our blogs…😃

We need comfort food and a zone where when the trigger of a painful memory decides to visit we are in a safe zone.

We just need Love and hugs. 

This is to all my recovering friends out there. 

I understand that you are in PAIN and need love. 

I understand that you aren’t really getting that love. 

It’s okay to feel angry and to want to vent. 

It’s the PAIN that you’ve buried for so long.. 

This weekend.. Find a healthly outlet. 

Cry and release the YEARS of PAIN. 

And to the families & friends of recovering addicts.. 

Understand that they are in PAIN. 

that they haven’t felt this PAIN for – enter number of months or years in active addiction-.  

And now it’s hot in their hearts and it’s a terrible feeling. 

Understand that they know the dangers of addiction. 

Understand that they really don’t need much except frequent hugs and declarations of Love. 

Understand that lectures and family interventions will only add to their PAIN 

There are a lot of things we did in active addiction that “sober” people wouldn’t do according to you, but let me be frank and say the things we did and said are in no way different than “sober” people’s actions.. 

Ours are just noticeable because we were addicted. 

An addicts end goal is NOT to live sober.. 

An addicts end goal is to live sober WITHOUT Pain. 

✌ & 💞

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