On the 2nd of September 2014 I woke up after surgery and I was elated.
When The Gynaecologist came to check his handiwork he was smiling.
Actually he was beaming. And so was I. The nurses kept wanting to give me pain medication for the after surgery pain and I was like huh? I didn’t need it. That wasn’t pain I was feeling.
Not after 13 years of bone numbing pain.
Nothing could be compared to that kind of pain.
The next three months were a beautiful existence. I kept waiting to feel the midget start his dance. Or the orthopedic spiked shoe to resume the climbing.
However there was nothing. Not even a pinch.
I didn’t even get my periods.
I was literally in heaven.
I was happy, ecstatic even, that the pain was gone. I only had the back and neck pain to deal with and Yoga was really helping with that.
I would wake up every single morning with a zest for life.
I could see, I could hear and I could feel life completely free and devoid of pain.
I was new.
And yet I felt like I lost a very crucial part of who I was.
I felt like I had lost my identity.
Pain is much more than physical. It’s an emotional part of me. I had learnt that pain could and would affect how I reacted to outside stimuli.
Pain affected my moods. A lot. I could be happy and calm and when the pain wave hits all patience and understanding flies out the roof.
I was used to being tense and angry.
I was used to being on edge and ready to fight.
So I had to learn how to manage my moods without pain. I had the chance to experience life without the heavy haze of pain clouding my life.
January 2015 came and somewhere in that month I felt a twinge of pain. The Gynaecologist had told me that if I was to get pain it wouldn’t be so bad, that it would be a pinch. So when I felt that twinge I thought a Panadol would help.
In the hour that followed I popped 4.
And the next time the pain wave came I pooped 6.
My pain was back.
Since then I have come to realise that fine, this pain will not go.
I have accepted the pain.
At least I had 3 months of no pain.
And at least my fertility isn’t compromised.
I’m proud that I have Endometriosis and that I can tell my daughters early what to expect. I can help them and others.
My journey with Endometriosis is far from over.
In a weird sense I could say it’s just began.
And I’m quite happy.