I dislike standing in a queue for too long. If you were a fly on the wall you’d see me shift my weight from my right leg to the left leg… 5 minutes switch. Repeat after 10 minutes.
And it’s not cause I have ADHD.
I have constant lower back pain.
My lower neck hurts and my shoulders feel like I carry the whole damn world.
When I’m ovulating the sharp pains hit anywhere anytime.
My period pains are the worst. I say I’m prepared for child labour, seriously.
Nothing could be worse than living with pain right?
Flashback to age 10
I was at the back of my class, chatting away like usual when this gut wrenching pain hit my insides. Or maybe I should say my insides were on some supernova fire. Something was happening & it honestly felt like I was dying.
My mom gave me Syndol. Two of them. That’s when I realised “eh this isn’t normal” cause I’d seen girls take Panadol.
And it kept getting worse & worser (that word should exist)
& worse.. & worser..
It started with 7 days of my insides boxing up each other every minute and I felt pukey n tired. I just wanted to do nothing n cuddle my toys.
Foetal position was the only way I slept.. Holding something to my stomach and every time a pain wave hit I’d curl up even more.
Soon I didn’t know when I’d be without pain.
My pain behaves like the sea, there’s high & low tides. Then waves hit. Hard. With no remorse.
And pain meds… wow… Pain meds do not work.
They numb just enough.
The pain stays.
I have taken Syndol, Postan, Bustan, Buscopan + n normal Buscopan, iBoprufen 20mg, 40mg and then progressed to 80mg…I’d swallow 5 pills in less than an hour trying to numb the pain just a bit.
Because by the time I was 16 I was used to being in pain. I’d just make sure I had my pain pills in my bag.
Soon I had to be injected with Tramadol because shocker! the pain got worser-er (seriously that word needs to exist)
At the age of 23 I was diagnosed with Endometriosis.
It’s a chronic pain illness.
& there is no cure.
“What is Endometriosis?
Endometriosis is a painful, chronic disease that affects at least 6.3 million women and girls in the U.S., 1 million in Canada, and millions more worldwide. It occurs when tissue like that which lines the uterus (tissue called the endometrium) is found outside the uterus — usually in the abdomen on the ovaries, fallopian tubes, and ligaments that support the uterus; the area between the vagina and rectum; the outer surface of the uterus; and the lining of the pelvic cavity. Other sites for these endometrial growths may include the bladder, bowel, vagina, cervix, vulva, and in abdominal surgical scars. Less commonly they are found in the lung, arm, thigh, and other locations.
This misplaced tissue develops into growths or lesions which respond to the menstrual cycle in the same way that the tissue of the uterine lining does: each month the tissue builds up, breaks down, and sheds. Menstrual blood flows from the uterus and out of the body through the vagina, but the blood and tissue shed from endometrial growths has no way of leaving the body. This results in internal bleeding, breakdown of the blood and tissue from the lesions, and inflammation — and can cause pain, infertility, scar tissue formation, adhesions, and bowel problems.
What are the Symptoms of Endometriosis?
Pain before and during periods
Pain with sex
Painful urination during periods
Painful bowel movements during periods
Other Gastrointestinal upsets such as diarrhea, constipation, nausea.”