Nurah

She was born with a light around her that just drew people to her.
She had wide beautiful eyes that took in all her surroundings. She looked at everything with a curiosity that burned. Already in her tiny brain the words why, wow, I want were a constant.
Her mouth was shaped for easy smiles and big grins. Her voice melodious and when she laughed you couldnt help but join her and create that beautiful sound again and again.
Her hands wanted to touch, touch and touch everything that was in close contact.
She wanted to feel the wonder of her surroundings.
When she learnt to walk there was no stopping her, she found adventure at every turn. Her energy giving her the boost to explore the why that never left her brain.
She was drawn to bright colours and happy people. Sadness also drew her close, but only because her energy told her she could fix it. Her tiny little heart and brain knew that if she looked, touched and smiled at sadness her light would terrify it and all would be better.

She was born a brilliant light.
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I was born a brilliant light.
I look at myself as a child and it is there as bright as day; my shining light just oozing out of the photographs.
I smile when I see myself as a child, so happy and carefree, curious to a fault with a brain functioning at 200% ADHD.

And somewhere along the way, people wanted that light gone, so that I could fit in a system that requires no light whatsoever.

Ive been told that I cannot fight the system or else I will be a shooting star and not a light.

But if I cant fight the system then that means I can’t be a light?
I have to dull myself?

Oh no. thats never going to happen again.

I drank for 7 years trying to fit into this system.
The system that defines who you are first by the standards of others.

I drank for 7 years trying to fit into this system.
The system that says to be successful as a woman you must have a degree, your own bank account and a husband by 30

I drank for 7 years trying to fit into this system.
The system that told me that I was a rebel for not thinking like every other robot

I drank for 7 years trying to fit into a system.
A system that told me that I should look and talk a certain way to be accepted

I drank for 7 years trying to fit into a system.
A system that told me that my natural talents were/ are useless without a piece of paper to prove my talents

I drank for 7 years trying to fit into a system.
A system that punished me for expressing myself and my feelings, saying that I had problems and that I needed to fix them

I drank for 7 bloody years to fit into what every other person thinks is normal.
Because my normal, my light was too much

It honestly isnt a coincidence that when I reverted to Islam I was named Nurah.

I remember it as if it was yesterday. The Ustadhaa looked at me and said you have a light so bright my girl; you shine so bright I will call you Noor!
(Then she grinned such a goofy grin I laughed)

Noor means Light
In Swahili there is a saying
Nura Gizani

And so when I ask for people to please call me Nurah and you decide no?

Well,

I am Nurah. I was born Nurah. I will be Nurah.

I was always Allah’s Love & Light Melanin Princess.

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