Sitting and writing this letter is both a sad and joyous event. Sad, because I have to evaluate who and where in my life you have forced your way in.
It’s been too long, this love hate relationship and I am tired of your conniving ways. I am tired of having to deal with the aftermath of my reactions to you.
I never seem to know how to handle you. And quite frankly I am tired of trying to “handle” you. I should honestly just get rid of you completely.
I hate the fact that because of you and my reactions to you; that I cannot even have one good day when you are in your element. That all my decision making process are influenced by you and that honestly speaking I cannot trust myself in that process.
I hate the fact that when I try and ask Positivity to come in, even trying my hardest to spark her to inspire me, you use the people I most love to pull me down. I hate the fact that I cannot “escape” from you, that I have to find the strength to fight you and quite frankly fighting you is hell on earth.
And so Negativity, before I end this letter, I want to tell you that I am done with you. That I am now completely going to delete you from my life, and that all you have done and will try to do will not impact me from now on.
Including all the people that you use, this is where I now feel sad; however to fully live my life and not look back 20 years from now and ask “why did I not do that?” I will have to delete them from myself.
I say goodbye to even family members who I love with all my heart, but because you do not want a Positive progression between us I have to sadly let go.
This is for “I”, so that I may live the life deem perfect and good enough by the being that created me and watches over me. For HE/SHE alone knows all that I need; and you are certainly not in that plan, you have NEVER been in that plan. Biologically speaking you mess even the most intricate body systems when your cousins Stress, Anger and Depression make themselves at home. I don’t sleep; I can’t eat properly, let alone live.
Even how I think about myself is changed based on your perception. I look at myself as worthless; I feel rejected and want to prove myself.
Goodbye Negativity, I cannot say it was nice knowing you; but I can say that it was nice that you have given me life experiences that I will remember and now use to strengthen myself and help Positivity to clearly impact my life.
I know you do not want to let go; so the people you use to fuck me over; GOODBYE. No longer do they have the power to change “my self” or impact “my self”. What they want from me will have to take the back seat till I achieve what I know is good and perfect for “I”
No longer will I fight to prove myself, or explain who I am or what I want; and no longer will I explain why I am not where they want me to be; I am who I am for a reason, and only the Higher Power that created I can tell me who I am.
Goodbye Negativity and the people you use….it has been an experience.
I am who I am